New Arrivals
Kate Spade, a fashion favorite of mine allowed the battle with alcohol addiction, and mental illness to win over her mind in two thousand eighteen. Then, only three days later, to turn on the news and hear about Anthony Bourdain taking his own life. This happened when he was working on his CNN series of culinary traditions, while staying in Paris. This really shook me. Both Kate & Anthony were found suicide by hanging. I realize that there are two sides to every story, especially with widespread speculation from outside sources. Whatever the case:
This all did something to me. It stirred something within, and made me re-evaluate the battle going on in my own mind.
I should write more because when I can’t breathe, I do just that. I write. You see depression makes you very apathetic and numb, turned off for self-preservation while dealing with anxiety makes you go on high alert like at any given moment something could go wrong but you just can’t figure out what and when exactly. The fear that strikes with anxiety accompanies you, stays awhile. It’s as if the two go hand in hand. Without one the other fails to complete the mission.
You constantly wonder, “Will I ever wake up one day, and feel happy to be alive? Will I experience joy? Am I ever going to have a desire to live my life with passion & purpose?”
All this, in hopes that you’re here for more than just being enslaved to whatever it is that may hold you captive.
Well, I am here to tell you— YES, you will get to the point where the chains become looser, and you will know how to fight this battle in your mind. You’ll one day at a time become much more equipped, and the self-belief in yourself will become stronger than your fear. Stay close to God.
Atlanta based author, Hannah Brencher of Come Matter Here said it best, and I couldn’t agree more.
“A lot of us are standing in the dark and don’t know how to talk about it, so it’s pertinent to start finding a way to talk about it. People can’t find you if they don’t know where to look. This culture makes it really easy to act like we are doing okay, to act like our lives are perfect and polished and one small step away from completion. In reality, we are lonely and we are grabbing for things. We are jealous, and we are comparing ourselves to others more now than ever before. We are restless, and we are discontented.”
I want to be a voice for those who are still left silently sitting in the dark. My goal one day is to reach millions of people all across the country through these Notebooks. I hope to help end this stigma that comes with anxiety & depression. I'm putting something that’s been so negative and shamed throughout my life, turning it into something bigger than myself.
We all have a story, and you need to know that your story doesn’t end here.
You matter. Don't give up.
Poet by night
eyelovecupcakesbyjamie.wordpress.com
Back track to forget
Every time I try to forget. I come back to that night with you. That smile. Our kiss. Your smell. And the way you touched my hand. That's when I became your biggest fan. I miss you and I try to forget. Especially when I get upset because you're not here and I 'm not there. Your name is everywhere. I'd never spare that time I can't get back. In fact, I'd track it all the way back to you and never look back. Don't ever doubt that.